Tumblr: my toxic frenemy

First things first - I'd like to thank Chelsea Birkby, my oldest friend, and one of my best friends in the world. If it wasn't for her, this post wouldn't be happening. And for that, I owe her a lot. Firstly, because without her I'd still be stuck in a toxic cycle, and secondly, for making me feel a whole lot better about everything. She has inspired this post. So Chelsea, this one's for you (and for Katie, who kindly said "You're fit babes, don't worry about it")...

Lately, I've been on a downward spiral. Initially it started with self-doubt, which I blamed on starting a new job, and the uncertainty and anxiety that comes with new ventures. But then I started to dislike myself, dislike how I looked, dislike my size, my hair... just about everything. I mean, it started to veer on self-loathing.

Only now do I realise that this is bad, and it needs to stop.

And if my job wasn't to blame, what was? The simple answer: Tumblr.

Now, for those who aren't familiar with Tumblr, it's a social platform like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc, but it's different in that its main focus is photography (although you can share links, videos, quotes, text, and more).

At first, Tumblr was a bit of a novelty to me. It was a place to share things that I couldn't on Twitter. You know the drill: things you wouldn't post on Facebook, you tend to post on Twitter... And Tumblr was a place I could post things that I felt were too angsty for Twitter. 

It was a place I could rant, complain, moan about anything I wanted, and no one would say anything.

Which was liberating for a while, but then kind of sad, when you think about it. Can you imagine a place where people speak about things that bother them, and they disappear into the internet, with no one to console them? Well, that's Tumblr.

But it gets worse. Because Tumblr is more than that, worse than that. Not only does it allow a place for people to complain, but it allows for people to indulge in sadness. Almost until indulging becomes normal, and expected.

My "dashboard" (the equivalent of a facebook wall, or a twitter feed) was full of quotes and photography reblogged by people saying things like "When will things get better?", "I wonder if anyone knows how lonely I am", "It's 1am and all I can think about is you, and where things went wrong", "It sucks to be the ugly, fat and boring friend"... and so on. These posts have notes (likes & shares) in the 6 figure range. It's not right. And when you see things like this all the time - I'm guilty of scrolling through my dashboard first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening - it starts to affect you. And in my case, I found myself starting to feel this way, reblogging sad things, and feeling sad.

If that wasn't bad enough, Tumblr is guilty of promoting an unrealistic body image and unrealistic role models. I became attuned to seeing picture after picture of flawless models, Emma Watson, Lily Collins, Cara Delevigne, until I became numb. I knew I couldn't look like them, but I wanted to. It made me feel utterly crap. And the "typical Tumblr girl" was laughable - long, long dirty blonde hair, button nose, thigh gap, flat stomach, often donning a bikini (they always have pert, cellulite-less bottoms) or cut off shorts which on anyone above a size 6, would be considered indecent.

Again, if you see this all the time, it becomes the norm, and something to aspire to. Tumblr was my guilty pleasure, but it also became completely toxic. I felt like if I was down, I could always find solace in an angsty marker pen-covered paint sample (look it up, it's a total tumblr stereotype). Whenever I felt like I wasn't looking my best, seeing those  "perfect" girls was painful. It wasn't fitspo, it was just ridiculous. It was as if Tumblr was simultaneously encouraging indulgence in self-hatred and adoration of the unattainable, yet I couldn't get away. For every "sad" quote, there was a beautiful picture of the beach, offering a little escapism and aesthetic pleasure. For every ridiculously toned stomach, there was an adorable cat gif. But the negative always out-weighed the positive.

This might sound quite dramatic, but it's pretty amazing (disturbing?) the effect images and words can have on a person. Needless to say, if you've ever been moved by a book or a painting, you can begin to understand what I mean. Tumblr is just a digital version of this.

So, what was the point in this post? Yesterday I posted a particularly negative rant, and I woke up to my friend Chelsea saying "I saw your post, and I'm worried about you". It took a friend telling me to stop, and consider what the site was doing to me, to realise that I had to draw a line. Tumblr, if it was a friend, would be the type that gives you a back-handed compliment, lets you think they are reliable and trust-worthy, then completely betrays you, wishing you'd never met them in the first place.

I didn't need a "note" on a rant I'd written to make it feel like someone understood me; I needed a friend to tell me that I had a lot of things going for me, and that I was lovely, and beautiful, and had to stop being so negative.

Since this text, I have deleted the Tumblr app on my phone and iPad. I'm going cold turkey and avoiding the site until further notice. If I have a craving for pretty photography, I'll go on flickr or something. If I want a nice quote, I'll Google one. I thought Tumblr was the perfect combination of guilty pleasures rolled into a social media site, but it's only served for me to feel awful about myself, and it's time to cut it off.

Has anyone else felt the toxicity of Tumblr, or is it just me?

Peter Pan Collars.

I do love myself a peter pan collar, I have to admit.

They make a shirt more feminine, and immediately prettify dresses.

The first celebrity that comes to mind in the classic word association game if you yelled PETER PAN COLLAR at me would be the lovely Zooey Deschanel, followed by old-school Blair Waldorf. These girls are adorable and their dress sense isn't too bad either.  What I'm trying to say is that you could do a lot worse than being compared to Zooey and Blair donning a peter pan collar.

Where the concept of calling a rounded collar a "peter pan" collar originates from, I'm not entirely sure, especially because whenever I think of Peter Pan I think of this guy:

They seem to be slowly falling out of fashion in favour of sparkly or statement collars, which seems a shame, so with this in mind I've scouted out some collars that remain flying the flag for all PP lovers out there.

Oh, and did I mention this collar highly favours small-busted girls? I didn't? Well, it does. Busty girls really struggle with this style, so make the most of it!

1. Peterpan Flowery Flippy Dress, £48

This dress is super pretty, and I love the little flower and bead embellishments. Students get 10% discount with an NUS Extra card, and this will be perfect in the spring with a cute cardigan. Wear with boots during the day, and cute flats in the evening. Or vice versa, depending how fancy your respective boots/flats are!

2. Navy Lace Insert Jewel Shell Top, £15

This top is by Kelly Brook and again, I adore the jewels! This would be absolutely perfect with a pair of jeans and heels, matched with a blazer. The lace insert really finishes the whole look off. Make sure you wear a cami or something underneath until it gets a bit warmer, because the back is sheer...

3. Alice Leopard Peter Pan Collar Playsuit, £25

Apologies for the terrible quality, but I wanted the image to be a similar size to the others! I love this playsuit because it's sophisticated whilst giving a nod to the animal print trend. The three-quarter sleeves are spring-friendly, and there's always the option to dare to bare or keep things covered up (I'd personally risk getting the legs out, otherwise you run the risk of looking too conservative).

4. Red Owl Print Peter Pan Collar Peplum Top, £8

Rather awkwardly I have just checked and this product is out of stock... BUT, may I just give New Look a round of applause for managing to incorporate a peter pan collar, peplum, and OWLS into one piece of clothing? Pretty impressive.  This kind of top can easily be dressed up with a bodycon skirt or dressed down with jeans.

5. Limited Cream Pearl Teardrop Collar, £19.99.

And if you're wearing a plain top/dress but feel lost without a cute collar, thanks to retailers everywhere, there is hope. Hurrah!

Let me know if you find any places that take a fancy to Peter Pan Collars, because they really do seem stark at the moment.

Book berating.

First of all, apologies for not updating this blog for two whole weeks. I have been utterly swamped by seminar reading, my dissertation and various other third-year woeful occurrences I won't bother boring you with. Phew.

My housemate linked me to this beauty earlier...

(Courtesy of Tickld.com)

Now some people might laugh, find it humorous, or at the very least, allow themselves a cheeky wry smile.

"Oh, look at the puns!" "Ann A. Kupp - ho, ho, ho! Geddit?" "'Enlarged?' Oh my!" etc etc.

And I'm not going to be ridiculous and say it's an insult to women, feminism and the like (because some of the stuff is amusing).

But it quite literally belittles the issue of breast-size.  I'd even go as far to say it mocks those who are small-chested. When I saw the link, the first thing I saw was the main title "The Advantages of Being Small Chested."

Great! I thought, Here's some motivational literature, at last, that celebrates those who aren't the Kim Kardashians of the world.  But then... ah, yes. Here we go - people failing to take the issue seriously... AGAIN.

It's things like this which make my cause pretty difficult. How can girls love themselves when things like this exist? Yes, I know it's a light-hearted joke.  However, how many books do you see that mock women with an average cup size?

Admittedly, magazines and glossies will always gossip about breast augmentations (Does it look natural? Will she get them even BIGGER next time?) but never do they make women feel inferior for it.  And if on the rare occasion, they do, the women who have had the surgery have chosen this.  Women like me, and other small-chested ladies, haven't.

So this kind of literature, as "hilarious" as it is, does unfortunately carry negative consequences with it.

On a positive note, I did a cheeky bit of Google-ing and found this amazing blog page which all small-chested ladies should check out.

I did search for a serious book about advantages but NONE CAME UP. A gap in the market, perhaps?

http://newadventuresofchristine.blogspot.co.uk/2011/01/perks-of-having-small-boobs.html

A massive thanks to "New Adventures of Christine" - good going, girl! I particularly like the illustrations.

Comments welcome!