Dating Diaries: See ya, Tinder

If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen that yesterday I did a bit of a caption word splurge and confessed to struggling with a few things in my life. If you don’t, then in short: I’m not happy, I want to make some positive changes, and I’ve deleted Tinder.

Who needs a beach when you have the Myki Sand Bar?

When I first heard about an underground beach bar, I was a bit baffled. Isn't the whole point of a beach that it's y'know, in the open air?

On getting a proper job (!)

Guys, it finally happened. Although not in the way I thought it would, and not, as many would think, in the editorial field. But life has a funny way of surprising you (me) and I like to think it's all worked out for the best.

The thing I miss most about being employed (apart from money, because duh)

Yesterday I experienced yet another question that I didn't know how to answer. Awkward. It was, "How do you do it? Moving from place to place?"

We need to stop allowing other people to make us doubt our decisions

A few of my favourite things...

1. Taylor Swift in Style 2. My Nikon DSLR 3. Failure is success in progress 4. Birthday snaps

The life and times of a temp

Image: WeHeartIt

As it reaches the end of the week, you get a sinking feeling.

Life as a beauty intern: the debrief

My month as a beauty intern at Marie Claire is over. So, that happened.

Why being involuntarily dismissed has worked out a-okay

Dismissed", "fired", "asked to leave", "sacked", "given the boot" etc.

19 Things You Learn Working In The Media

19 things you just need to know before you commit...

Broke girl tricks of the trade

In my 6th week of living below what is classified as "living wage" in what has recently been announced as the most expensive city IN THE WORLD (interning + London = pain), I have learned a few budget busters; my broke girl tricks of the trade, if you will.

Positivity.

Having finished the fourth week of my internship, I'm feeling quite positive.

Nepotism is the new black

This post might be a little controversial, so I apologise if I step on anyone's toes or seem to make generalisations (which if I do, is/are completely unintentional).

"When life throws you lemons..."

At quarter to five today, I became unemployed.

Smile like you mean it

I'm writing this from my balcony. I don't think that phrase will ever get old (or make me sound NOT like a dickish person, but hey).

"Beauty dreams and ripped seams" and realising I'm obsessed with US female TV stars

There's a great bit in The Devil Wears Prada (heck, there are LOADS of great bits) that has stuck with me. 

"I'm happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time"

Oh, I do love a bit of Taylor Swift. I really do. Her ability to capture an age in such an accurate, catchy song... And the fact she's dated Harry Styles #dontjudgeme

In her song "22" the general message she puts forward is that it's okay to not have everything in life figured out by your early twenties. Which is great, y'know? I mean, if Taylor Swift hasn't got it figured out, of course it's okay for us mere mortals to be in the same boat.

Right?

But the one thing I can't shake as I sing along, is that I can't really compare myself to Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift is a talented (say what you like, but she's a multi-platinum artist. Call it success, call it talent, whatever), beautiful woman with legs up to *here*; girls want to be her, and guys secretly want to date her. Bless Tay-Tay - I know she tries, but she can never be down with the average 22 year old. Because she was never a typical 22 year old.

       

My first weeks as 22 have not been plain sailing. The day of my birthday I found out my brother had broken his arm skiing, my Mum had to leave work because she was ill, and my cat had found himself in the cone of shame again (don't ask). I was pretty shattered from Fashion Week (I'm not complaining - it was absolutely fantastic, just exhausting) and I woke up on my birthday feeling quite... Lonely.

My previous birthdays had been spent in the company of family pre-university, and in the company of friends during university. This was the first year I'd been without either, and as I opened my birthday presents and cards (with "22" on repeat, natch) I realised birthdays are nothing without the people you care about around you. N'aww. 

22 also brings an element of panic, as do most things in the life of a worrier like myself. A year older tends to mean another year wiser, but this year I find myself feeling more lost than ever.

I blame this on societal expectations of age. These expectations tend to extend to love, work, family and friends. Then, to top it off, the over-arching question: Are you happy? The expectations are that in life, you should gradually get closer to the ideals of being *in love*, satisfied at work, and retain close ties to family and friends.

With this in mind, here's how I currently stand on the above elements:

Love: If I want to pull, I can go to a club. The online dating world is slowly becoming more depressing and boring to me. Aren't cats great?

Work: I am doing a terrible job of balancing everything, which probably explains why I was a terrible waitress and barely managed two plates at a time, let alone 4. Job applications are going out, with rejections coming in thick and fast. Enthusiasm is being worn down as quickly as my prospects.

Family: Lovely, but unable to understand why I am single, worried that I will indeed become a mixture of crazy cat lady and Miss Havisham (although to stand a chance of being a latter there would have to have been a male involved in the first place). Also confused as to why I cannot secure a permanent job. I share their concerns.

                               

Friends: Scattered around the capital, the country and as we speak, the world. Not ideal, but always on hand if I'm in need of comfort in the form of food or a few glasses (read: bottle) of wine.

Am I happy? Is a question that I really don't understand, as I'm starting to realise that people see happiness as a tick list (i.e. Expectations of what it means to be happy) when actually I find happiness in moments and gestures more than anything, anyway. So with that in mind, I can't really answer that one.

Amongst all this, I've realised that having to deal with the ups and downs of being 22 will be an absolute nightmare if I have to do it alone. But luckily I have some absolute star friends who will simply not allow me to a sad loner, wondering why I don't have more matches on "Tinder" and wallowing in the fact London's first cat cafe is fully-booked until the end of March (!!!).

                           

So although Taylor Swift's life is a world away from mine, lines like "Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you" and "Tonight feels like one of those nights we ditch the whole scene" is a good reminder that even though we don't have it figured it out yet, we're not alone, and there's always dancing the night away to keep us sane.

                         

Change what you can, accept what you can't. Hello, 2014!

First things first: happy new year! I hope everyone had a lovely holiday season. 

Mine involved copious amounts of eating, drinking, Made in Chelsea book madness, a wine-throwing incident (not thrown by me, or received by me, thank goodness) and my parents making inappropriate comments about my not knowing what a knob of butter is, nor how much counts as "a knob". Hilarious. My helping out with Christmas dinner was a not-so-subtle attempt for my parents to extend my culinary skills to make me "wife material", and I do know what a knob is now, so I'm surely on my way.

                        

                         

Saucy measurement names aside, I have had a great week off spending some quality time with family and friends. The highlight for me was finally getting the chance to see Matilda: The Musical, and we were treated to a VIP-esque theatre experience. This involved us being ushered between a reserved table in the theatre bar and our seats, some free wine, sweets, and ice cream during the interval. And, of course, great seats. All of the actors were superb, and the little girl who played Matilda took my breath away. The girl couldn't have been any older than 8, and she stole the show! I also had a lot of love for the music, apparently written by Tim Minchin. Is there anything that man can't do?

                                   

My New Year's Eve consisted of some overpriced garage wine, a particularly excitable game of ring of fire (when will student games become unacceptable? hopefully never) and a bit of Gangnam style dancing, so fun was had all around. And today consisted of a brain-melting amount of Friends and hangover food. I can't complain. Although clubs are fun to celebrate new year, you can't beat a good old-fashioned house party with some not-quite-set jelly vodka shots and that person who's desperate to push Tequila on everyone (you know who you are).

As you can probably guess, my motto for the new year is in the title. I stayed over in a friend's sister's room the other night and she had stencilled on the wall "Let us change what we can, and accept what we can't" and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Anyone who knows me KNOWS I love myself a good quotation, and this one stuck. It just makes so much sense! If you're not happy with something and you have the power to change it, do it. But on the other hand, if there's something in your life which gets you down but there isn't a darn thing you can do about it, the best thing to do is to learn to accept it. Of course, it's a very idealist quote, and idealist I'm not (I prefer to see myself as a realist, but often get called a pessimist), but it's something to aspire to. And I'm always aspiring to be better.

                                   

Acting on that motto, where do I go from here? What can I do to make 2014 a happy balance of change and acceptance?

Firstly, body image. I will change the fact I'm not feeling too jazzy about myself by hitting the gym (membership courtesy of my parents. I asked for it, in case you're wondering. It wasn't a suggestion by them). BUT I do accept that there's some things I can't change about myself *cough* MY NOSE *cough* my (lack of) chest... Unless I suddenly become rich. But let's face it, that's not going to happen.

       

Secondly, myself. My personality. I can't change myself. In the last year I've noticed I'm either super uptight, or absolutely crazy, often at the wrong times. Also, I constantly need reassurance of my ability/image/attractiveness. So, whilst I will accept that I have my weaknesses, I will try and change the way I handle things. I'm just not sure how to yet. It will be my 2014 personal project.

And finally, my job prospects. Whilst I'm very lucky to be secure in my internship until July, there is no certainty whatsoever that I will land a job afterwards, whether that be a graduate or entry-level role. This is terrifying, and could potentially leave me in a very sticky situation because I need a salary to pay my rent. In this case, I can only try my best and hope to god that my applications appeal to companies, and although it would suck beyond belief if I didn't get a role, I will (somehow) accept that what is done is done, and I can't change that. Don't be fooled, however; in between being rejected and becoming an enlightened being, I will be sobbing over the phone to my family/friends/anyone who will offer sympathy... I'll just have to hope it all works out in the end.

Enough from me. Tomorrow is back to work and back to reality. This month I'll be involved in a launch, and next month is Fashion Scout again (it seems like only yesterday I was working my first fashion week!) amongst catching up with friends and trying to keep my finances under wraps. Not to mention trying to keep warm in this generally grim weather. Is it summer yet?? Sigh.

Until next time :)

What 2013 has taught me

Hi guys. It's been a while, I know. I've been settling in to life in NW2 and constantly messing things up too quickly, and then taking too long to fix them. It hasn't left much time to sit down and write (which I've actually really missed).

Now, I know that 2013 isn't over yet, but with work wrapping up for the year, and many things coming to an end (it was my line manager's last day before maternity leave today, and loads of lovely temps are finishing up their contracts on Friday) there is a weird sense of finality in the air. Another chapter is ending, and another is beginning.

So with this in mind, I have begun to reflect. Unlike last year, I don't feel too nostalgic. This year's been tricky, with lots of hard lessons to learn, various issues to deal with, and lots of occasions where I've just been looking forward to the future. "Tomorrow's another day" doesn't seem like the nicest mantra to live by (and I've been using this a lot for motivation)... Maybe it's just been a case of unlucky '13 for me, who knows?

Here are the things I've achieved in 2013:

1. Landed a 2:1 in English Literature from the University of York

2. Proven that I am officially the worst at pub golf (with a rather cringey forfeit)

3. Worked at Red Bull Racing

4. Been hired as a PR intern for The Body Shop

5. Moved to London

6. Survived my first Fashion Week

7. Managed to not embarrass myself at the work Christmas party

8. Moved into a flat, paid for with my own money

But all my achievements (excluding number 2) have been down to a lot of hard work. And the bad news is, the hard work doesn't stop.

At university, there was a sense of consistency and stability. Outside of this self-contained bubble, change is an inevitable part of life, and there's no avoiding it. It's a case of adapt or be wiped out, sink or swim, dog eat dog (insert cliché of your choice). There's no time to get comfortable... In fact, there's no time at all! I got home today and realised I was taking really short breaths and had to remind myself that could actually breathe slooooowly. Which makes me sounds a bit bonkers, but as I reminded my colleagues at work today, "All the best people are."

Taking the post back to the actual title ("ABOUT BLOODY TIME!" I hear you say, if you've actually made it this far) here's a non-comprehensive list of what I've learned this year:

1. If you must work hard, play hard too, or you WILL go stir crazy

2. Taking responsibility for your failings is embarrassing, but it's all part of growing as a person

3. Drunk texting is never EVER a good idea. EVER.

4. London is a great place to live, as long as you can tolerate smelly/greasy/rude people every now and then

5. Something that matters now will mean next-to-nothing sooner than you think (and this can be a good thing).

6. Nothing is ever black or white

7. A bad day, week, or even a few weeks, does not mean you have a bad life

8. Sleeping does not qualify as relaxation

9. Everyone is guilty of making a bit of drama to keep things interesting

10. Awkward situations are inevitable

11. Weekends are a gift

12. Pizza fixes everything

Never look back, never give up

A slightly more optimistic blog this time (not hard, I know) with the title inspired by Haim, who along with Chvrches, Lorde, London Grammar and Daughter, I can't stop listening to at the moment. The lyrics are a nice little mantra to (try) and live by.

I've been even busier than normal the last few weeks. I've seen Daughter in concert (they were AMAZING and she even made me momentarily consider cutting all my hair off and getting a fringe again), gone to my first football match, and helped my co-workers to launch Christmas at our blogger event last Thursday.

The theme for the event was SCHOOL, because the company's initiative for Christmas is to build 5 schools in CFT communities from consumers buying product. It's such a lovely idea and I'm pretty sure the bloggers enjoyed themselves. I myself was on a sugar high from our make-shift tuck shop and the glasses of prosecco I consumed, so I may have been a little biased... But hey, I like to think I deserved a treat after getting tape burn from duct-taping 34 boxes of product up! It was a fun night, and the venue looked fab.

                                  

                                  

                                  

                                  

                                  

In other news, I attempted to go out with friends on Friday, but it kind of failed... And when I say failed, I mean it took 2 hours to get someplace that was meant to take 15 minutes, we didn't actually go to a club, and I ended up terrorising late-night pedestrians (this sounds like a euphemism for prostitutes, but it's not) by wailing "Mirrors" by good old JT at them whilst my lovely and fiery friend tried to convince us that the taxi driver wasn't legit. It was quite the experience, and I guess a night that ends in "New Girl" isn't the worst night, right?

The next few weeks are going to continue to be hectic. I have a personal project I'm working on (watch this space!), grad schemes to apply for, birthday presents to plan and party outfits to sort... But things could be worse.

Have a good week, everyone :)