I'm not saying it's going to be easy...

I'm telling you it's going to be worth it.

Okay, so I'm not Ryan Gosling in The Notebook, neither am I his love interest in said movie (sob).

Nonetheless, it's the quote that sums up the last few weeks for me. And my oh my, what a couple of weeks it's been!

My departure from student-dom to adulthood began with a week at Red Bull Racing in the Marketing Department. It was absolutely amazing, especially as I'd underestimated just how COOL the company was. The people work hard, play hard, and were absolutely lovely; even approaching to ask me to ask them questions. I learnt a lot, having to listen to members of the brand, hospitality, account management and communications team, and had a brilliant time in the process (as well as consuming way too much Red Bull. For the record, I recommend the new editions). I completed my project - creating a running show car event - by Thursday, which meant on Friday I experienced Silverstone, and saw Vettel - whey!

Also, the team have a table football next door to their office, which they make frequent use of. I may have beaten my Line Manager at a game. Like I said, the company is seriously cool.

Between saying goodbye to friends and packing, the week and following weekend were crazy with moving to London preparations. I don't think anyone can prepare you for a permanent move away from home. My brother is taking over my room as I move into his (smaller) room when I return home, but my room won't ever be my room again. Scary!

And this week? Well... interning is not to be taken lightly. My role alternates between PA, product packer, unpacker, organiser, creative thinker, tally charter, newspaper-scanner and ALWAYS a sweaty commuter. Always. The amount I've had to take on board has been overwhelming, to say the least, and I'm terrified for when my lovely intern friend Sarah leaves at the end of next week after giving me a two week handover.

The tube is a whole different ball game. This week alone I've been burped at, lifted off the ground due to the general scrum, almost bowled over, stared at (creepily), been made half an hour late to work because of delays, but managed to get through 2 of The Hunger Games books. So there's always a silver lining, people.

I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that during the week I'll have to be as flexible as possible. That, alas, is the world of PR. Despite the rather glamorous upcoming events, the role I'm in is anything but glamorous. But it's okay, because everyone in this business has to start at the bottom, and at least I'm being paid, which is a lot more than some people can say.

Today I went to Oxford Street with my fellow intern, and my mood lifted significantly. This is because I realised, whilst drooling over the gorgeous prints in Zara, and the Kurt Geiger counter in Topshop, and just about everything I set my eyes on (before we got sworn at by a cyclist. Oh, London), that THIS is what I'm here for. I'm here to work, but I'm here to ENJOY. Enjoy the fruits of my labour, enjoy my freedom from the stranglehold of academia. London isn't just work for me, it's a whole new life of brilliant things that I can't even imagine.

 

So yes, my internship may end up being gruelling, exhausting, stressful and chaotic... but it's going to be worth it. It really, really is.

I just need to remember that the next time I'm given a ridiculously arduous task, which will probably be... 9am Monday morning. C'est la vie!

Does it almost feel like nothing’s changed at all?

We were left to our own devices,

Many days fell away with nothing to show.

- Pompeii, Bastille.

Even though during the last three years many days did fall away with nothing to show, Wednesday 10^th July signified the date of my graduation, the day to celebrate what I did have to show: a 2:1 in English Literature from The University of York.

Despite having worked graduation in previous years and becoming rather jaded by it all, my own graduation day was absolutely wonderful, made all the more special by being accompanied by my Mum and Stepdad.

Having finished my degree and graduated, I feel waves of relief, pride and triumph, but also of anxiety, panic and sadness.

I have worked hard my whole life to get to this point, and I have achieved what I set out to do, which is brilliant, of course.

But then I realise that from this point onwards, I determine my life.  There’s no set destination apart from the destinations I aspire towards.  Milestones of GCSEs, AS and A2 levels are far behind me, and now, so is a degree.

I’m more than happy to leave the stress of education behind (you couldn’t pay me to do an MA at this point!) but at least in education you were surrounded by people in a similar position and environment to you.

The world of employment beckons – I’m working at Red Bull for a week in the Marketing department, and the week after I begin my year stint at The Body Shop – yet I feel at a slight loss, and slightly lonely in my circumstances. My friends will no longer be there when I get home from a long, brain-melting day, and there will be constant pressures to perform on a professional and very much individual basis.

What if I’m absolutely terrible? What if the world of Marketing and PR defeats me?

And yet, working opportunities aside, I still feel about 18.  I came back from York, and it was as if time had stood still.  Everything was the same as before I set off for university (aside from the height of my younger brother, and a bush that had to be cut down to stop our house subsiding…)

But I do feel a little older and a little wiser, and I’ve returned to the South with amazing memories and friends I hope are friends for life, in addition to my close group of school friends. And I have a degree!

So even though things do change, and it is quite (read: VERY) scary, some things do stay the same, and that’s okay. The stability of my home life will hopefully keep me grounded, and I know that if things get all too crazy in the world of work, I always have a brilliant support group and a super fluffy cat ready to give me a hug.

I’m thrilled to have graduated, and excited to start the new phase of my life. So, bring it on, world! I’m ready to see what the future has in store*.

Congratulations, class of 2013!

* sorry for the cheesy ending. I do love a good bit of cheese, literally AND metaphorically.

Moving out and moving on.

Hi guys - it's been a while!

The end of university was hectic, and as a result, my blogging flailed and took a back seat.

Now that I've left university *sob*, I'll try and make time for regular blogging, although I can't promise that all entries will be enthralling and life-changing.

It finally hit me this morning, upon waking up and hearing nothing but the birds singing outside (as opposed to honking, ambulances and the like) that this was it... I had finally left York, and excluding graduation and the odd weekend trip up, I was never going back.

This realisation has made me pretty emotional, but I thought I'd turn this sadness into something more creative. And so, here is a list of things a student cannot do upon returning home and living with the parents:

1. Nights out

Nights out at home will never be the same as a night out at university.  I've decided this is for three main reasons...

Pre-drinks: At university, I would drink a bottle of wine before I'd gone out, or a healthy amount of cheap-o vodka with mixer. At home, you can't sit in the living room, chugging back the vino, without parents exclaiming "Exactly HOW much are you drinking? You'll be on the floor! Just THINK what you are doing to your LIVER." 

Getting tipsy: At university, towards the end of a pre-drinking session, people tend to stand up drunkenly and visit the toilet quite a lot. God forbid at home your parents bump into your drunken friends, which if they aren't accustomed to this, looks a) bad on your friends, and b) stands as a bad reflection on you.

The aftermath: The end of a night at university for me means visiting either McDonalds, or grabbing some cheesy chips, then going home with friends and drunkenly dissecting the night's events, careless of how much noise we're making. At home, when you come back, parents and siblings tend to be asleep, so you have to keep the noise down. You're not with friends, and leftover cheesy chips on the dining table would not be appreciated.

2. Throw caution to the wind

University means absolute freedom, meaning it's completely up to you how you spend your time.  If you go out to a friend's with the intention of coming back early, but then don't end up returning until the early hours, no one cares.  At home, however, it's "What time will you be home?" and "Will you be wanting dinner?" and "Who is this friend? Have I met them before?", the Spanish Inquisition only standing to become more intense if you don't keep to your word and return home punctually.

3. Sex

Does this one really need explaining? Unless your bedroom is on the other side of the house, you have perfected doing the deed silently, or have deaf parents, this is a no-go. And forget one-night stands... can you imagine the awkwardness between your hook-up and parents the next day if you fail to sneak them out? Cringe.

4. Manners

This one falls under...

Swearing: now I'm no sailor, but I will hold my hands up and say that with my housemates, I was guilty of letting slip the "s" bomb as an adjective, and the "f" bomb if I was angry.  At home, however, this isn't so acceptable, especially with younger siblings present.  Suddenly you're your parents' "little girl/boy", not on equal ground with your housemates, and there's a hierarchy (and guess what? You're at the bottom). I said "bloody" yesterday and my mother tutted "Language!" ... I don't swear all the time, obviously, but when you're thrown into an environment where Swearing Is Not Acceptable, it's quite a shock, and you have to adjust.

Generally having no shame: As a girl, I can't shout to my former all-female house for a tampon (sorry, guys!), and I'm pretty sure my swooning/leering at the Diet Coke hunk every time the advert comes on, and my saying "And THIS is why I want to marry an architect" comment upon watching Grand Designs wouldn't be quite so tolerated.  Ditto laughing about awful hook ups and pointing out euphemisms, etc etc.

5. Food/hygiene habits

Towards the end of university, my diet was pizza, crisps, fizzy laces and alcohol. At university, a dinner consisting of Walkers Sensations Thai Sweet Chilli (a sharers bag, obviously) is more than okay.  In fact, it is applauded - "That is by FAR the best flavour". I think if I tried to pull this at home I would be laughed at and told not to be so stupid. Hygiene-wise, we ran of out loo-roll all the time, and would often have to use cleansing wipes as a substitute. I told my parents this and they almost had a heart attack.

6. Sleeping

Every student will know that at university sleep is the next best thing after food, drink and friends.  It's almost as exciting as the day your student loan comes into your account (I did say almost). Napping was my saving grace in first year, and it's the perfect time waster. When I finished my dissertation, I'd wake up at 9am and realise I COULD GO BACK TO SLEEP. And I did. Today, however, I was berated by my father for waking up at half 11. Sigh.

Student life is pretty brilliant: complete freedom, and at least 3 years with like-minded people who are a similar age and share similar interests.

Even though my upcoming graduation symbolises a shift away from student life, I fully intend to embrace my student days when I can. I may have moved physically away from being a student, but it's going to take more than a geographicaly shift to shake the student out of me.  Sorry, parents!

"The Real Woman" and why chocolate should never be "bad"

I’ve never understood people that go on diets. I view diets in the same way I view really strict parents. It’s almost as if by being super restrictive you are tempting a massive rebellion… and I just don’t get it.  When people “fall off the wagon” and admit, rather embarrassed, that they have succumbed to Dominoes and a couple (read: A LOT) of chocolate, I am never surprised.

It’s not normal to only eat vegetables, fruit and the odd bit of protein.  You crave sugar and fatty stuff because god knows nothing tastes better than that first slice of pizza/first bite of a Double Decker when you’re absolutely starving. By making the former “off-limits” and “bad”, you are making it the most tempting, seductive thing in the entire world. Honestly, who actually believes in the phrase “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”?  Being skinny feels quite nice, I guess, but to compare being slim to things like Doritos and full-fat mayo (anything but full-fat mayo is a farce) and further, to imply that to be slim you can’t allow yourself fatty, carby treats, is utterly ridiculous.

And you know what else I really dislike? This whole culture of setting up curvy women as “real women”. In pushing the coveted hour-glass figure, culture is condemning those who are naturally slim or boy-shaped.  When magazines decide to stop labelling celebrities who have put on a couple of pounds as “fat” (which they aren’t), they describe these curves as representative of them being a woman. “Real women have curves”. Okay, great, brilliant, we are embracing curvy women, but what about the other end of the scale?  What about those who don’t have a sexy booty or boobs Kim Kardashian would be proud of, or a tiny waist and prominent hips? Are they not real woman now?  I’m sorry, but I thought we were moving forward here, but it seems as if we’re going too far the other way.  When will culture understand that the key to promoting body confidence isn’t to create an ideal that is often impossible for women to adhere to (without copious amounts of expensive surgery) but to promote the idea every woman is a real woman, regardless of shape?

This does not mean, however, that I’m saying women who are extremely unhealthy or obese should be idolised in the same way, but we’re all people here.  Maybe society should be pushing ways to eat a balanced diet without implicating this ridiculous “perfect body shape” idea and telling us that certain foods are “bad” and count as a splurge, saved for specific days.

I mean, if I’m having a bad week and I’m on a diet and I’m sick of drinking smoothies and boiled veg with some chicken breast, the last thing I need is to be told by my calendar that I can’t order takeaway because it’s not my “off day”. If I want take out, I’ll be damned if I can’t order take out.

Anyway, what am I trying to say? Firstly, that diets are near impossible because they make what is usually acceptable into something “bad” which then makes it super tempting. I’m saying: if you want to order that Dominoes, ORDER THE DOMINOES. Just don’t, y’know order it everyday.  Don’t deprive yourself of tasty things because life is too short. Just do some extra squats at the gym, or something.

Secondly, I’m sick of the ideal body stereotype. A boy-ish shape will never become an hourglass shape, neither will a pear-shape become top-heavy, or whatever. You need to embrace what you’ve got, and culture needs to stop putting certain figures on pedestals. It will only make different groups of people unhappy as they desperately attempt to become something their body cannot make them. Women should be able to take compliments, whether they are described as “slim” (not skinny – “skinny” is such a horrible word) or “curvy” and not question whether their shape is deemed attractive by society or not.

And on that note, I shall tuck in to my left-over Dominoes and yes, it’s going to taste AWESOME.

** After some Facebook comments that have called to attention Weightwatchers, which is a far healthier method of dieting, and the inclusion of "plus size" models in magazines a positive idea in promoting a body image that more women can aspire to, here is my response:

"I think curvy models are great! I just don't like how magazines are pushing people to *be* curvy when for some people they can't.
I think the Weight Watchers point system is actually really good, but it can lead to people becoming obsessed with numbers and can take the joy out of food, to an extent :) but it's definitely a lot healthier than some diets out there.

"Maybe I should have made it more clear that eating HEALTHIER is better than "dieting" as such. I think you can still eat chocolate & carbs, just obviously not in excess, and I feel that diets make the mistake of telling people they CAN'T eat them, which makes it harder to stick to.
Often, sometimes people have a natural weight that they can't shift (if they are trying to lose weight) and on the other hand, other people find it difficult to put on weight. Often dieting doesn't work, and people shouldn't feel bad about that and accept their natural size without hating themselves.
Also I wasn't trying to say that inclusion of "plus size" models is leading to slim people disliking their weight. I just mean that a lot of the time they are plastering women like Kelly Brook and Kim Kardashian who are EQUALLY are intimidating as say, Cara Delvingne, and it's just as bad for people's self-image.
I obviously didn't cover the subject extensively enough. And of course that's not to say diets are WRONG, but that they promote an unhealthy sense of restricting and control which is unhealthy and unhelpful

"I wasn't trying to say that slim people are oppressed. I was saying that by promoting "slim" one minute, "curvy" the next, etc etc, that different groups of women are made to feel unhappy with their shape. A lot of skinny, non-curvy woman can be made to feel unwomanly and unattractive when they are told "real women have curves" and it's not their fault, just as much/equally as people that aren't tiny feel insecure when they are told to be smaller. It can work both ways, but obviously there is more stigma if you're "bigger". Both are wrong."

Feel free to comment. This seems to be my most controversial blog post to date!